kids of the shatterdome
by MyVintageLove
Summary: You love her as much as you hate her as much as you envy her.


I swear it was supposed to be something nice about Chuck&Mako friendship and... that happened instead. I don't know where it's coming from, but there it is.  
I have so many feels for the Aussies, it's not even healthy. I hope it did everyone justice.

* * *

You're twelve the first time you meet her. You've already heard of her before because Herc - your father, Sergeant, dad, whatever - told you about her, about the only other child growing on a Shatterdome. She's twelve too, a tiny thing with blue hair and big eyes, and she asks if she can pet your dog. You hold Max tightly to your chest, unwilling to let the pup go since it was offered to you by Herc on your birthday - you know it's a way for him to overcompensate the fact he can't give you love and hugs, but you don't care because the pup is nice enough. So you let her scratch Max behind the ears, and she smiles at you the way they do in the animes you watch, big smile and closes eyes. She's cute enough. And an orphan too.

She'll be your friend.

You're both sixteen the next time you see her. It's a shame, not being able to live in the same Shatterdome, her in Alaska and you in Sydney, but you understand. You send her e-mails sometimes, and she always replies in a broken English - but it gets better, and you still find her cute. She smiles when she sees you again, and she runs to hug you. She's still a tiny thing, she will forever be smaller than you, but she's almost a woman grown now. And you're almost a man now, so you let yourself appreciate her petite body, and her sparkling eyes, and her adorable accent when she asks where Max is. (Also her small boobs, her fit ass. You're only a man, after all.) She's no longer adorable. She's beautiful.

She pets Max and tells you she wants to become a Ranger, just like you, just like your fathers. When you grow on a Shatterdome, in the middle of a war, you don't want anything else. You want to matter, you want to shine. You want your father to see you for who you really are, perhaps you want him to see choosing you over mum wasn't that big a mistake after all. (You'll always resent him for that choice, but at least you'll show him what you're worth.)

You ask her if she wants to train with you, and she answers with a smile and a nod. She's good. More than good. She kicks your ass more than once, always with a smile, as if it's a game to her, as if you're not really a challenge. It upsets you as much as it amuses you, and you try hard, stronger. She still beats you, and she laughs - with you, not at you - because there's something funny about been beaten by a tiny girl. Your ego can take it, for now.

You see her again a few months later, and you got better. She kicks your ass again, but you're a better fighter now, so it's not as easy as it used to be. She smiles knowingly, understands what's going on. Understand why you want to be as good as she is. You want her as your co-pilot, and maybe she wants you too. You don't ask. You just kiss her check goodbye before jumping into a chopper, and you tell her you'll see her at the Academy. She blushes at the kiss and nods.

On your way back to Sydney, you try not to think about her eyes, or her lips, or the way her blue locks of hair frame her face. You ignore Herc when he tries to tease you about it, and you wonder if that... that crush, for lack of a better word, is that obvious.

You know it's not a crush. You know it's your mind and her mind and the Drift.

At least, you hope so.

The Academy is harder than you thought it would be. They try to break you, to get rid of the weak ones. You almost have a mental breakdown everyday, crying yourself to sleep sometimes, exhausted and sleep deprived. You're not sure you're going to make it, but you have to. It's the only thing you want in life. It's the only thing you're good at. If Herc can do it, so can you.

And Mako? Mako is having the time of her life. Obviously. She smiles and hums some J-pop song at lunch and never seems to be bother by anything around her. You know her well enough by now to understand why she's acting like that: she's tough, yes, but mostly she has something to prove. She wants to show the world she's more than Pentecost's adoptive daughter, that she's her own person, that she needs nobody to reach her goal. And she's doing a pretty good job at it.

You love her as much as you hate her as much as you envy her.

You find yourself training with her all the time, because orphans got to stick together, because you're not good at making friends and she doesn't dare talking to anyone else. Something to do with the accent, she says. Bullshit. But you don't say so, because you want her for yourself, because you're selfish that way. So you train with her, and you're getting better everyday in that dance of yours in the combat room.

You think you're ready. She thinks it too.

So you ask for a compatibility test, confident enough - or maybe it's cockiness. Is there a difference anyway?

The results come back two hours later.

You punch the wall so hard you break three knuckles.

You couldn't care less.

What's the point of being a Ranger if she's not your co-pilot?

In the end, the old guy and you are Drift-compatible. Irony is a bitch, you fucking hate her. And of course you follow the rabbit during your first Drift, because the memories of mum are triggering enough on their own and now yours are mixed to his and it's too much for you. Mostly because you didn't remember her voice, or her smile, or the colour of her eyes. It's all too painful.

It wouldn't have been that painful with Mako.

You just know it.

But Herc isn't half as bad and Striker Eureka is a good ship. You even managed to use Max's face as your decal. It's pretty badass. Would be even more badass if you had a co-pilot you'd speak to. The Drift has never been more silent.

But you kill monsters and you're good at it, and you're a rock star now. Mum would be proud of you.

You forget about Mako Mori, eventually.

That is, until you see her again in Hong Kong. She hasn't changed, still beautiful, still perfect. Still not a Ranger. You miss her smile, and the way you could talk about everything with her. Now it's just work work work.

Mostly you miss a world where war isn't everyday life and you regret not meeting her in a more peaceful time. Things could have been different, then.

You try not to think too much about it. It hurts, and you've got a planet to save anyway. You'll think about Mako Mori once you've punched the monsters in the face - or the crotch, because the Kaiju groupie told you it's a part of their anatomy, and it seems fitting to kick them here. They deserve it.

You hate Raleigh Becket from the moment you see him. Because he's a jerk, and a deserter, and he has nothing to do here, and you're the one who's going to save the world, not him.

It has nothing to do with the way he looks at Mako, like she's the sun. Not, nothing, you don't even know how someone could think that.

And it has even less to do with the way Mako looks back at him.

They're both jerks anyway.

The most painful are not Raleigh's punches. The most painful is Mako behind him, with her fists close, ready to jump in the fight if she has to. You remember a time when she kicked you ass in a second, remember trying so hard to be her equal, to be worthy of co-piloting with her. You see her ready to help Raleigh against you and you no longer see your oldest friend. You see a stranger, someone you don't know, and you wonder when it happened. You wonder when you both became different persons, when exactly you drifted away from each other.

Drifted away.

How fitting.

It's all Raleigh Becket's fault anyway.

And Herc's.

Nothing would have happened if he had chosen Mum over you.

Mum would have been such a great Ranger.

You know enough Japanese to understand what she tells the Marshal. You close your eyes and pretend it's for you, pretend it's you she's talking to. You're about to die anyway, so you can think whatever you want.

Pentecost might see your thoughts and share some of his own memories with you, or maybe they are memories of your know. You don't know. You don't care.

She's all you can think about right now.

You're dying and all you can think about is Mako Mori.

Blue hair, black eyes, sweet smile.

You would have made a nice couple.

She'll make a great couple with the Becket jerk.

At least she'll be happy.

It's all that matters.


End file.
